My post below couldn't have been more hypocritical. I'm sorry.


Hmm. You know that proverb/saying/something about a crane among crows? We-ell, I s'pose I'm a crow among cranes. Pfft. Basically everyone in the hockey c'div is much better than me in hockey. And you know something's wrong when your juniors show signs of being a much better player than you are.


Reader, you have unwittingly submitted to witnessing my solemn vow. I, Stacy Ooi Hui Quan, hereby swear that if I do not master the dummy tackle by the end of April, I shall... I dunno.


But there. I just have to get into the school team.


Come to think of it, I've never been a natural at any sport.


Badminton - I could hardly hit the shuttlecock when I first started. It took years to cultivate acceptable skills, and I've lost them all because I didn't practise much.


Swimming - I used to be deathly afraid of water, especially depths. Still am, for the latter. But I think I'm somewhat of a natural at the breaststroke.


Tennis - I'm still an amateur. When I started I was hopelessly lousy. Took at least a month for me to learn how hit the ball properly.


Hockey - badbadbad. badbadbad. I cannot tackle, find it hard to control the ball, strategies - zero.


I think I'm pretty good at table tennis though. Faraway fantasies, oh sweet love.


But I'm pretty much a natural at nothing, except for English, but that's only because my mum drilled all the grammar rules into me since young.


I feel so artificial. Don't start on music, because while I don't remember having significant trouble with the piano (apart for sight-reading and note-singing; they must die), I have no passion for playing it. It makes me feel good when i play something well, but because i'm good at so few things, i feel good whenever I do anything well.


Fact is, I don't have passion for anything. Not even my writing. I wish my teachers would stop praising me. It's so easy, that, not to seem conceited or anything, it's getting boring. My face will flush and there'll be a moment's ecstasy but after that I'm just boring old Stacy going on with my life.


Shit, this is getting angsty. Hmm.


Well, Su Wenn commented that i needed to be more enthu. Because I was, as usual, sulking around and being myself. And Jenna (sp?) remarked that I was enthu in my studies. I protested but I don't think i was loud enough for them to hear.


To clear things up, I am a slacker. For example, some might've seen me doing my geography homework before training today, but that's because it's due tomorrow and I'm panicking over my workload. I don't study hard, only at the last minute, and...


Where the hell did people get the idea that i'm hardworking?


I was never hardworking. Especially not in primary school, ha. If in p6 one of my classmates were asked to name the most diligent pupil in class, I'd be the last person on their mind. They'd choose either Sarah/Xinqi/Valerie/Pei Ying/Guiqi/Adeline/Delphine etc.


Unfortunately people don't seem to believe me.


And I hate to disappoint people. I don't mean that sarcastically, I mean really. Today during training coach was disappointed in me (or rather, my group of three) because we didn't learn something properly. He called me to him and for a brief moment I felt like a little girl being reprimanded and chided. The feeling of disappointing someone is so overwhelming, I'm starting to hate it.