I'm so tired/irritated/lazy that I can't be bothered to pronounce my words properly/audibly. My mum just asked me to go and bathe. I replied, "I want to use the computer fir-"


Yeah, I didn't even bother to finish my sentence.


Returned from the fourth day of my gran's wake, incense smoke everywhere, obnoxiously loud distant relatives who talk throughout the entire session even when we're all kneeling down and praying. Stupid noise pollutants.


and inside I'm all screaming, I don't need to do this, I'm not even Taoist! but blah, my uncle's a freethinker and he's participating in the ceremony, so I do so too, out of obligation. There's a certain degree of gratitude, after all. My grandmother is me, I am my grandmother, we are all atoms and neutrons and protons and electrons.


Only my atoms are still functioning.


C'est ennuyeux.


at home, I mean.


and I wish my cousins would talk to me. It's like, now I've physically grown up and all that shite, I'm ignored. My closest cousin -that is, when I was younger- is a stranger. my cousins, my brothers, my sisters, me.


and I'm startin' to get scared, y'know. Like scared of growing up, scared of being ignored through and through, scared of books, scared of myself, scared of my relatives.


You know something's wrong when family starts to seem like school.


or maybe I should just open up to people.


I miss the times when it was people approaching me, instead of vice versa.


Because the periods of time in between the occasional family reunions are really, really long, changes are felt much more keenly.


there are times when the tap is almost forced up, and the water almost comes gushing out, but the door's always closed.


Password protect.


the cardboard is left in the open, rain and shine.