That feeling, when you get angry at yourself -no, feel like getting angry at yourself all of a sudden. I shouldn't have made her cry. I shouldn't have made that pass. I shouldn't have said that, shouldn't have done that.


Shouldn't have bought that book, shouldn't have gone cycling, shouldn't have acted like a stupid goat without its hind legs. Shouldn't be blogging now. Shouldn't have acted like a frikkin' introvert, cos it'd give people the wrong idea, you know, they'd think I didn't like them or something. Shouldn't have pitied myself, got so pathetic, shouldn't have said all this because I only feel like getting angry but I'm not angry yet.


blah blah, blah.


Been practising Allegro-


see. Shouldn't have waited for so long.


-since four. And Prayer of The Matador.


It's all a laugh, Goober, a fake.


It's tiring to analyze motives and personalities. It's like trust, could always backfire on you. Way risky, it's all guesswork, you don't know if you're right or wrong. But if you lose yourself in the moment, your guard falls down, and maybe there is a motive, maybe you've unwittingly pointed the gun at yourself, maybe you overestimate or underestimate.


And in the end, you congratulate yourself on having successfully deceived yourself.


oh hey, bring up the loonies.